 - Last login: 3 weeks agoLindaAdams
- Linda is a 42 year old woman from Raleigh, North Carolina, USA.
- Likes 376 pages, 5 videos • 57 fans • Received 13 reviews
- Member since Jun 12, 2006
I enjoy meeting anyone who has an opinion, a brain, and a sarcastic sense of humor.
Favorites » Her Blog
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Skedaddles profile - StumbleUpon
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Nov 6, 2006 6:31pm
267 reviews
stumblers
http://skedaddle.stumbleupon.com/
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I agree with this so much that I'm lifting it from skedaddle's blog. Right on.
I don't care who or what you vote for. Voting is a right and a responsibility we should all exercise.
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Nov 6, 2006 5:43pm
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I rec eived from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed, though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we su ggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
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Nov 6, 2006 5:39pm
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FROM:: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: October 05, 2005
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
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FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party CONFIDENTIAL
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery but please remember that the new Medical Privacy Act recently passed by congress absolutely forbids the sending get well cards or even speaking to each other about a fellow workers medical condition.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.
Joan
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Nov 6, 2006 5:34pm
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A friend passed along this little tidbit to me. She SWEARS that I wrote it...
Dear Kotex,
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-fucking-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.
Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging.
Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.
So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.
Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS
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Nov 6, 2006 5:29pm
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A West Texas cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, onnects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within moments he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows.
Now give me back my dog."
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YouTube - What we are
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Oct 30, 2006 5:52pm
92 reviews
philosophy, video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a15KgyXBX24
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Dance, Monkeys, Dance!
Nice summary of civilization and all its ironies.
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Jokes: How Can These People Survive?
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Oct 30, 2006 5:44pm
19 reviews
humor
http://pages.videotron.com/garrick/jokes/survive.html
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Finally! Some jokes I haven't heard! I'm particularly fond of the computer ATM one...
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Oct 30, 2006 4:47pm
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Lifted directly from quailman...
One day, a little old lady walked into a sex shop. The young clerk couldn't help but notice her, first, because she reminded him of his dear old grandmother, and second because she was twitching violently and trembling, even more than his grandmother did.
"Young m-m-m-man?" she stammered to the clerk, "Do you sell v- v- vibrators here?"
"Yes ma'am, we do," he replied, a little embarrassed.
"B-b-b-big fl-fl-fluorescent oh-oh-orange ones?" asked the old lady.
"Yes ma'am, we have some like that."
"The t-t-type about s-s-s-sixteen inches l-l-l-l-long?"
"Yes ma'am, we've got just about any size you'd want," said the young clerk.
"The k-k-kind that t-t-t-t-takes eight D-D-D Cell b-b-b-b- batteries?"
"Yes ma'am we carry some like that."
"Well, c-could you t-t-t-tell me how the h-h-hell you turn it off?"
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StumbleUpon - bittyimps web site reviews and blog
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Oct 27, 2006 6:39pm
129 reviews
stumblers
http://bittyimp.stumbleupon.com/
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Lifted from bittyimp! HA!
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Does drinking alcohol really keep you warm? | The Register
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Oct 27, 2006 6:32pm
1 review
alcohol
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/10/27/the_odd_body_alcohol_warmth/
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I can't believe they have to get a quote from a "qualified" anthropologist to say that alcohol is a factor in more accidents. I mean, like, DUHHH. I can't hold the phone in one hand and open a beer at the same time - they should have just asked me.
As for the warmth factor - if you drink enough, who cares if you're cold. As for all the girlies out there, if you drink enough you're probably an incontrollable flirt at some point and willing to let someone else's warm body counteract the effects of the alcohol. On the other hand, rumour has it that drunks who take big falls are less likely to suffer major injuries since you're more relaxed and therefore fall with the fall, so to speak, rather than fight the fall. Then there's always the idiot who thinks he can fly off the 3rd floor balcony... did I mention that alcohol is a factor in more accidents?
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